Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
