2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
