You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize