yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Drunk is a universal language darling
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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