I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
