At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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