I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
