question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
