im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
