I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
