I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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