my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize