Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
