Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Is Oprah even human
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
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