So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
