gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Randomize
