All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
