Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
