I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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