i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
