My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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