just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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