isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
