your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
