she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
this boner is exhausting
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
