Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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