How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I need moral support for this bender
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
