I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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