no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
