i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
