We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
