I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
