On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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