Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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