I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
