Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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