I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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