All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
