i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
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