Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize