I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
as a side note pls kill me
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
