I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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