WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I want to stick my p in your. b.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
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