he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
