Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
