Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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