he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
