So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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