you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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