It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
where are you?
Hypothermia
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
