i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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