I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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