Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
