oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
