So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
