he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
