Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
