I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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