Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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