If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
