oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
