Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
