i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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