There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize