I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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